1 Quick Idea: The question that changed my partner's eating habits for good.
My partner has a complicated relationship with food. Actually, we have that in common.
Actually almost all of us do.
I still remember the day he told me that his new diet was his favorite yet. When I asked why, he looked me dead in the eye and told me he could eat as many pickles as he wanted. THERE IS NO LIMIT TO THE AMOUNT OF PICKLES HE COULD EAT.
I stared back, unsure if this was a joke. I even gave a half-hearted laugh before I realized he was not kidding. He was so used to being hungry that unlimited pickles seemed like a gift from above. Since I too grew-up in the 1980/90s, I was well-versed in the crazy diet culture that had gotten him here. I’d been a pro at crash diets; I knew the ins and outs better than anybody.
The roller coaster ride continued for the first year and a half of our relationship. I’d occasionally drop a little coaching in when asked (sometimes it just burst forth from me unbidden, not gonna lie…) but generally I tried to stay out of it. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, wants to live with a weight loss coach that can’t keep her opinions to herself.
At the same time, just like most couples, we did end-up talking work. He’d share progress he made on a piece of code, and I’d smile and nod as my eyes glazed over. Then I’d share what I was working on with my clients: a new concept I was still figuring out how to teach, a breakthrough a client had that resulted in my own ah-ha moment, just the usual “how was your day” kind of stuff.
Slowly, the longer we knew each other and the more we shared, I noticed his behaviors starting to shift.
I overheard him on the phone, telling his friend that the only reason he was back in the gym was because he didn’t make it pure hell by starting with some insane workout schedule. I watched him turn down dessert because he was full, and order pizza without finishing the entire box. I saw him stop stocking the fridge with soda, the freezer with ice cream, and the cupboard with lucky charms. Not because he wasn’t allowed to have them, but because he didn’t need a cheat meal anymore to get through his week.
There was no dramatic “come to Jesus” moment. It was just these little behavior shifts over time that would be insignificant to the untrained eye.
Then one afternoon, as I was putting together some food and he was eating lunch across the counter, he asked me if I knew what the biggest change had been to his eating habits? Why he was now 50 pounds down and counting? I wasn’t sure where we were going with this, so like any good coach I stayed infuriatingly silent and waited him out.
“I ask myself if I really want to keep eating. That’s it.”
I smiled one of those awkwardly big smiles that takes over your whole face. I knew exactly what it took to make eating that simple. You have to break through a ton of noise, practice focusing on your body while you eat, question your motivation for grabbing food when you aren’t hungry, all of it. It’s not hard, but it’s far from easy.
He tossed what was left on his plate in the garbage like the ultimate mic drop and headed back to his office to work. Like it was no big deal. Like that statement wouldn’t have seemed crazy just a couple short years ago.
As a former binge-eater, crash dieter, and someone who used to solve every problem with food, I got it. How much different his life was now that he felt confident in his food choices. I mean damn, the sheer amount of mental space freed-up by not constantly obsessing over every bite that went into his mouth.
It was one little question that had the power to change everything.
What about you? Are there any seemingly simple questions, thoughts, or ah-has that massively changed your life for the better? Share yours and let’s keep the simple wins flowing.